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The Nuances of Having Multiple Partners
Polyamory is never about dating more people
When my five-year relationship ended, I confirmed that I was polyamorous. It’s more natural for me to love and commit to several partners instead of one.
It’s a feeling I’ve always suspected from an early age, even before I met my then-ex. But it was in our third year together, while in college, that I decided to explore things.
She was unsure about the idea at first. But eventually, she agreed to try it out. Our friends were, expectedly, indignant about this.
“Why did you allow him to do that?!” they screamed at her.
“She’s such a great woman! Isn’t she enough for you?!” they screamed, even louder, at me.
But polyamory is never a matter of “enough.” It’s not even about having more. To me, it’s a “relationship orientation.”
Like, if there are gay and straight people; there are also monogamous and non-monogamous folks. It operates on a spectrum and forms a core of who you are and how your feelings work.
Back in college, I tried very hard to explain how I felt. But most of my friends only gave me confused stares or jokes about converting to Islam. “So you can have multiple wives,” they said, even when I explained that marriage or religion had nothing to do with it.
I couldn’t blame them though. We’re bombarded by social cues and messages that claim romantic happiness can only be found in 18th-century-style nuclear marriages.
Google, Reddit, and books like The Ethical Slut were my only empathetic confidants, my only avenues for advice and understanding. It was especially isolating since I didn’t personally know anyone whose feelings worked as mine did, at the time. As far as I was concerned, I was the sole weirdo in my city who thought it was possible to ethically have multiple partners, without being a Muslim or a Mormon.
Anyway, since we loved each other, my 5-year ex and I ignored our friends and proceeded with our experimentation.
As I grew closer to other women, I realized that my feelings for my girlfriend never changed. Instead, it felt more like I was growing as a person. I was learning a lot from…
