In a monogamous relationship, it would’ve taken me much longer to recognize these. — I watched Sofia Coppola’s On The Rocks last night. The film is about a wife who suspects her husband is cheating. We see the wife struggling to trust her husband and rejecting her playboy father’s advice, like investigating her husband’s hotel stays and private messages. It’s a nice movie, but…

We work to buy the privileges of youth that we missed, one job at a time — In his song, “Old AF,” Alex Aiono says it’s difficult to feel young when you’re burdened by responsibilities. “Being young is pretty easy to forget, when you’re 16; paying mom and dad’s rent.” I remember when I was 9 or 10 years old, a charity volunteer who visited my village…

Freeing yourself from a soul-sucking job is a challenge when poverty is all you’ve ever known — You can’t “learn” to stop chasing money. It’s easy to say someone should get a career rather than a job, but it’s not that simple if you’ve only ever lived in piddling poverty. It’s a mindset I know well: I was born and raised poor in a developing country. …

A long-term couple goes on their last date. — She asked for a last date. I agreed. She had three requests. “Can we have our last date for an entire day?” She asked. I said we could. We’ll spend the day together, present in the moment. “Can we act like we’re still together?” It was her second request. I…

Tired of meeting superficial people online? Me too. — I’ve lost count of all the imaginative folks on Bumble who send hand-wave emojis to start a conversation. Not even a, “Hi” or “Hello” because who’s got time and energy for those right? And then there was this girl who made me pay for the whole tab on a first…

According to Hemingway, Zinsser & personal experience. — If you’re here, you’re either reading stuff before you write (like I do), or you’re stuck with a specific writing problem and you’re looking for solutions. Or maybe you’re just bored and binge-reading on Medium, for you, is more productive than binge-watching thirst traps on TikTok. …

Dull messages. And why “numbers” don’t define dating success. — So my debut novel on 2020s superficial dating just came out. And I was talking to one of my partners (I’m in a Polyamorous setup with 2 women) and she said, “You should celebrate your book!” And I said, “how do I do that?” …

Before I finally published it. — There’s a quote from the author, Charles Finch, that I return to whenever I finish an important piece of writing, like an article, pitch email, or, just recently, my first novel. It reminds me of my greatest ally as a writer. “To me, the single biggest mark of the amateur…

Whether you’re polyamorous or monogamous, cheating must be defined by you and your partner(s). — A strictly monogamous friend asked me once: “As a poly person, how do you define cheating?” And I said: Anything that breaks an agreement you and your partner made. Any action that betrays the boundaries you both defined. He looked surprised. “You made an agreement?” Then he paused. “Oh. Right…